I just wanna be heard!

I had an eye-opening experience today. But first let me say that, after 20+ years of working in Christian schools, I can still learn something new that, perhaps, I should have learned 20 years ago!

So, what did I do that was so eye-opening? Did I chew a student out publicly? No. Did I dress down a colleague in the hallway for all to hear? No. Did I suspend a child for not having his shirt tucked in (as I've been often accused of doing), just so I could see what it feels like? No.

I asked parents to come and talk to me about communication at school, and offered them coffee and bagels for their trouble!

That's it!

You would've thought I swam the channel for them, or rescued their children from a burning building!

This morning was, by far, the best parent PR vehicle I've ever accomplished, and it was really no big deal. I began by asking them how many of them had ever been quoted in the local newspaper, or been directly associated with something reported on in the local newspaper. Almost everyone in the room raised his or her hand (there were quite a few dads there, for which I was grateful!). Then, as they kept their hands up, I asked them how many of those news reports got at all of the information right. Every hand immediately went down! Of all those people who had at some point been reported on in the paper, not one of them could state that the story was 100% accurate. Think about that! The point I was trying to make was simple: We think that accuracy in our communication is the norm; but the exact opposite is true. Usually, most communication involves some level of error. In short, miscommunication is the norm.

After letting that soak in (one of the dads said I ruined his whole weekend, as now he won't be able to think about anything else!), we talked about the various ways we teachers and administrators go about communicating, how parents communicate back to us, how we can all do a better job, and what they'd like to talk about in the future.

We had bagels, we drank coffee, we laughed, we shared our thoughts (my wife thinks I offended half the moms there with my Jersey humor), and then we went about our day. No big deal.

But the remarkable thing is how these folks responded to just being heard! They so appreciated me taking time out of my day to listen to them. They were so relieved to have an opportunity to meet with me, but not for the purpose of slogging through some prearranged agenda, or for them to bring me a problem (which is why most people come to see me in the first place).

What is it about us that places such a high value on wanting to be heard? Why is that my daughters and my wife will often-times tell me, "Just listen to me!" (I'm not making a sexist comment here, it's just the fact that my sons don't do this.) Why is it that my wife, when she brings me a problem, frequently doesn't want me to provide a solution, she just wants to know that I'm listening?

To be honest, I'm not sure what the answer is. But the undeniable truth of life #34 is this: We want to be heard. We want to be understood.

And as long as we're willing to understand others, as well as seek to be understood, there's nothing wrong with that that I can see.

And to think...it only took me 20 years to figure that out!

From the Prayer of St. Francis:

"O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand."